My story is of a husband and best friend who lied to me in April 2012 that my husband was drunk and touched her at our latest get together. So I call in my church troops to save my marriage. My husband was in tears and apologizing. We go to counseling, bible studies, groups, and conferences to improve our marriage. I truly believed God was going to make this horrible thing in my life turn around for the better.. I was wrong..
I continue on with my best friend feeling guilty for her husband and family…
April 11th 2014 I get a call from my bff saying my husband and her have been texting and the messages became sexual which led to the incident 2 years ago, I was floored. I asked him numerous times if something was going on.. No, no honey..
From then until April 29th her husband and I kept getting more to the lie they wanted us to believe 2+ years ago. My husband never once helped me with the truth of his affair.
The whole story is they had been having sex since Jan 2012. On the highway, when I was out of town in my house, whenever they found a chance, her house is on his way to work so he’d leave my bed and go straight to hers. My husband would tell her where he was going on his business trips. If they were close enough they would drive to each other. She even sent a pair of underwear to my husband while he was in another state. One of the worst parts for me is she tested positive for herpes and says he knew.
He denies knowing.
All the while my friendship with that whore still lingered on during this whole ordeal. I brought her gifts when I was out of town (she fully accepted them), she brought me food when I had our baby (yep had a baby during his affair- If you want to run and puke right now I understand, I felt like it when I first found out), watched kids (even during marital counseling pisses me off so bad), talked on the phone about Pinterest, meals for the family, taking each other out for our birthdays all the while this chic is sleeping with my husband..
Yeah you would think they both hated me and that I am a horrible person for having this happen to me. But unbelieving to me I’ve been called by her the most genuine, sincere, honest person ever by her. (Yes we did have a meeting). And he still continues to believe he loves me and wants to be with me the rest of his life.. I know, I wish God just took me during those moments.. because they don’t have a problem lying to my face for years. So all of a sudden when they are caught I’m awesome, it’s quite maddening.
Which is why I ended up in the psych ward for wanting to stab myself (May 2014) Above I mention the two people I hate the most right now. Getting down to the nitty gritty of it all. I hate myself. I hate myself for loving these people, and giving them all of me. I hate myself for not seeing this coming. And I’m working on forgiving myself for believing in our family, my marriage, that I am good enough, but it’s tough..
I do love God, have a vulgar mouth lately, and I am insanely ticked off with 4 beautiful children to raise. I feel everyone else on the earth including my family are suffering dealing with me because I harbor so much hate for these two people. I am pretty angry with God as well. Don’t get things twisted I do love God and Jesus I just don’t want to forgive the husband again.. and her.. oh don’t get me started..
Anyways I can only focus on one hate at a time so I started with him and while typing this I had to run into the living room go look him in the eye and tell him “I love you and you are a wonderful father to our children” because I was starting to feel the rage coming on. I do love the guy, I do (that part makes me sick as well) and he is a great Dad, our children absolutely love him. The anger did subside after I did that.. or maybe it was because of the short run down my hallway 🙂
**update to this section my experiments were not working and now he is out of the house and I am working on my happiness maybe I should re-title the blog how 2 not hate myself after my husband and best friend have an affair together.
**update 1/15/2015 (I should have dated the updates) Separation never really worked we tried dating for a bit, we separated three times I think and we are in the same house and bed. It’s been 9 months after D-day. Depending on my mood I can say 8.