I once commented to someone how my life is like the Maury show now and without Jesus it could quickly become Jerry Springer in a heartbeat.

I won’t divulge much because honestly my mother cheated and I remember hearing mean things about my Mom. I want my kids and my ex-BFF’s kids who are still young not to have to find out anything about who or what their parents have done at Sunday school, school, around town, or from others besides their Mom or Dad.

So all parties have kids. All parties for right now are choosing to stay together.

I won’t use my name and only probably post videos and pictures of me in a mask, or something. Not because I’m ashamed, but I don’t want to hurt anyone believe it or not I love my husband and I still love my ex-BFF, her husband, and her precious kids. (But I do still have tons of hate and anger too, way more than love right now)

Hate and anger like mine not only ruins families but can damage reputations, deter healing, and that is why I know my hate has to go. Because I don’t want to regret hurting the wounded already, or the innocent. I know I have hurt my husband in ways I could never imagine while processing this affair. I know this hate and anger will continue to change my character and turn me into something I’m not. I am willing to have Jesus help me and even while I feel it’s fake at times to choose love, I need to, Β not just for my kids, but for myself.

What’s that saying “Hurt people, hurt people”.

So here’s to the experiment.. I hope it’s a good one and maybe if you are in a similar position we can do this together.



11 thoughts on “About

  1. I know you don’t want comments but I don’t listen well.

    Your post today about the hate mail? Sister that was me and I, like you finally had to make myself quit. Blogging has helped me, and so has my ‘new’ circle of blogging friends. You might want to let people comment because you now belong to the shittest club in the world ‘The betrayed spouses club’ but the members are a bunch of kickass women. We are all crazy, angry, hurt women, but we are survivors .

    I have walked in the dark alone like you, and it sucks. These women and some men now walk with me and it’s easier. They cheer for my siccess and cry when I stumble, they laugh with me, and we kind of get through it together…like a support group πŸ™‚

    Date night is gonna suck for awhile, but it will get easier. God never promised us life was gonna be easy, but the right path rarely is. Hugs to you my sweet friend.

    • Jesus: The name of the game is “Feed the Beast!”
      Jezebel: Oh no, not that again. That is all you ever want to play, Jesus.
      Jesus: It’s my Universe and that’s what I want to play!
      Buddah: Okay, I’m in. I already fucked my daughter and raped my sister today so my afternoon is clear.
      Jesus: How many gods did you bring?
      Buddah: I could only fit a couple million in my fannypack.
      Mohammad: I’m in too. I already had some little boys suck my dick and I have several million sand niggers ready to blow you shit up.
      Jesus: You guys get set up. I see an opportunity here to do what I truely love most. I am going to sneak away real quick and stare at some little girls vaginas while I fuck the shit out of my hand. No one tell my wife.
      Mohammad: You just did that!
      Jesus: I have to fuck both my hands to keep them equal.
      Mohammad: Well hurry up. I don’t want to get stuck fucking Buddah in the ass if there isn’t any damn women to rape around here in a minute.
      Buddah: Okay, I’m setting up my gods now. They’re not worth shit but I have a ton of them.
      Jezebel: Okay, when your Christians quit pulling my clothes off and ejaculating in my face I wil play too.
      Jesus: Okay, I’m back. And I prayed real quick so I am forgiven and better than you still.
      Jezebel: What is wrong with your wifes vagina?
      Jesus: It’s all ugly and stretched out from baring my children. I like little clean shaven pussies because it makes me feel like my dick is bigger and I get to have a better ejaculation. Which means I cum more, all over the place really. Any place is potentially a great place to escape into my own little fantasy world and pretend to ejaculate deep inside the ass or snatch of some little precious child of God. Everybody ready to play?
      Jezebel: Wait. Can I tell you guys something?
      Mohammad: Okay
      Buddha: Sure.
      Jezebel: Sometimes I dream that I have a good Father out there somewhere who is doing everything in His power to rescue me.
      Jesus: That’s ridiculous. You’re a cumbucket. You are here to tempt me with your fine ass so I can get off and abuse you everyway possible until I go to Heaven and you burn in hell for all eternity for not believing in me.
      Jezebel: …I imagine He is kind and gentle and trustworthy, because He is battlescarred. I imagine He would do anything, including burning in hell for all eternity just to be with me.
      Jesus: You’re a Goddamn witch!
      Jezebel: I imagine He is pretty lit up.
      Jesus: It’s all about me me me!
      Jezebel: I imagine he is about as pissed off as any living breathing being could possibly be.
      Jesus: You need to read your Bible. Me good, you bad. End of story.
      Jezebel: Are you guys going to let me finish the game before you rape me and burn me at the stake?
      Jesus: I don’t know. It is one of my favorite activities, and all I need is a gang of forgiven Christians behind me with my perfect Bible.
      Mohammad: How many troops did you bring Jesus?
      Jesus: I have a bunch of trailor trash and niggers and a bunch of people with their heads up their ass’s.
      Buddah: I brought my rape gangs also. And an entire class of people who are better than all of us because they rape their sisters and daughters in nicer houses.
      Jesus: Yes, I also brought my Catholics. They believe they need to breed like goddamn rabbits because they are just so goddamn special. Because they worship my ditsy ho bitch mom.
      Mohammad: I noticed all your characters have vaginas, even the boys.
      Jesus: That is to make it an easy bloodbath for your badass sandniggers.
      I just want to see alot of blood. I slaughter millions of babies a year before they even get born, but because I am the most special king of kings, it is all set up so I don’t get to actually watch it, even though I am paying for it. It is bullshit. The Bible wants me to just feel good about myself no matter what, bottom line. All I want to do is kill children so they don’t stretch out my favorite vaginas.
      I sacrafic family, country, and God; to cum really good.
      Mohammad: Wow, your guys are really complicated. My guys just want to saw your heads off with rusty knives.
      Jesus: Bring it on bitch! My vagina men are ready and waiting to escort their wives and children to the slaughterhouse! But please don’t bother them when they are watching tv, or they will not even know what’s happening and we won’t get to see the looks on their faces when your sandniggers are balls deep in their daughters while slitting their throughts. They would rather believe and teach doctrine which not only allows them to be cowards, but requires it. How convenient huh?
      They get to be the squishy soulless cowards they must really want to be, and go to their deaths believing that they are going to a special happy place in the sky reserved just for them. So come and get them sandniggers!
      Mohammad: We will after we fuck some more little boys in the mouth. Then we are going to kill us some Goddamn faggots.
      Jesus: Yeah, those faggots are going to burn in hell. If they are not interested in destroying woman every imaginable way then I cannot relate, and they are not welcome in my Heaven. It is about time for some witch hunting! I am feeling extra forgiven and righteous! Those little fucking abused girls are the real problem here. They are just not content with the status quo. If they would just shut up and be good little fuckholes, then when I sing at church I could feel more warm and fuzzy. And get that great big hug from God. He loves me so much. I am so very special to Him. Can you tell?
      …are you getting a negative vibe from these gods, or is it just me? Honesty, this is a side job for me. I am not a professional godsmith, but it seems I am the only one who payed attention in class. Before you kicked me out that is.
      Grant Jonathan Sanford, king

  2. Pingback: Surviving Infidelity: The blog, vlog, and life | How To Not Hate My Husband

  3. Very very very difficult topic indeed. On the outside looking in, I have to say I commend you for wanting to remain civil with the people involved, for the sake of the kids. But on the outside looking in, I also don’t want you to lose yourself and happiness, in the midst of remaining civil with all those involved, for the sake of the kids. Very difficult topic indeed.

    Hate holds you down like a shackle, and creates no real harm to the one you hate…in this example that is. However, that hate can consume your every being. Even if there is a glimmer of positive energy inside, remaining after this ordeal, the hate will devour even that. I genuinely wish you the very best on this immensely difficult journey.

    The burden you face is a tough one. God bless as you weather through this horrible storm.

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