After he apologizes
He feels differently about things I say
He cannot see things the way I see them
Yet here we are
In the shower today I was grieved
I miss the love I used to feel for him.
I missed my husband the imaginary one
And Kelly came to mind the imagery of her and the other Kelly’s burying the bag of affair done cancan and all
And I tried to visualize me being sad and putting flowers on the graves of my relationships lost
Charles and Kendra
I think it’s where I get caught up I think I buried things only to be teary eyed and sad due to something out of the blue
And I don’t know what to do with those emotions until now
I realize for me this grief will always be with me and I have to take care of it on my own with God. Because Charles is no help and blaming him or being angry doesn’t do any good
I think I knew that already just not how to apply when the sadness comes
When social media shows me so many quotes from friends “I’d pick you all over again”
I wouldn’t pick Charles nope not ever
But the pain of those words where my hopes for a loving spouse are dashed and I’m in the reality of being forced to grow on my own in my own family
My husband is not the rock he once was nor will he ever be.
He’s undependable shifty he may be dependable now but psssh hell if I’m betting on that one
I’m happy but sad..
It’s lonely here sometimes
I think I just need some more sleep and to dream dreams that don’t involve Charles
We’ve become an entity I never thought we would be for our family
I have to be strong and see this through..