Okay but that is what I’m seeing
that there is a philosophy out there like that woman who says “Her husband’s affair is the best thing that ever happened to her”
Yeah I’m about as jovial about my husband’s affair and that wretched bitch who he spanked around in parking lots, my own bed.. not mine anymore, and on the sides of roads..
But does that hinder my healing? or show that I cannot move on?
Does not being grateful for a fucking knife in my back make me a jack-ass who cannot recover?
Now here’s my progress how I see it
My husband was deceptive as fuck.
My 14 yr. relationship got buried and I have no clue what the resurrection of another marriage is looking like but I know i’m surviving this shit storm like a Boss.. okay more like a temp who bows out.. but today it’s like a BOSS 😉
Now I must start something new with said asshole I never knew existed and it still pisses me off..
1 year and some change later I no longer want him to die or every once in a while think about attacking him across the table with the very blade I diced our vegetables with (I know I’m dark).. or poisoning his food slowly..
Knowing I will get caught and not be like his dumb ass and hope I can get some sort of plea deal because really I am a great use to society.. I promise.. well I did kill someone, but come on he had it coming right???
So no more daydreams about those things, which is good and really hopes to show Charles how much he meant to me (nothing says love like I’m going to fucking kill you) and how now that majority of that kind of crazy is gone how empty our relationship is now.
I try not to think about what I would do if God took him now because it’s a waste of time. I would say I would party and be crazy happy but never know until I get there.
I notice I do that plan for things that never happen on top of planning for things that do.. it’s ALOT of planning… I know I’m going to have to give one of those things up..
Anyways humor seems to be coming back and Charles recently texted me that he was the insane one and and that he’s trying to shine a light on our relationship.
I told him Torn Asunder made me feel like I wasn’t insane and that I’m in the dark and that is hard. I will never know about his world with Kendra, or if he’s attracted to another woman, or if another affair happens that he won’t tell me.
Because just leave Charles.. seriously.. I am not the one to pine for a man, or want to win a douche bag liar back.. it’s not my style..
Anyways where was I going with this.. so yeah I’m not thankful an affair happened to my marriage.
Am I thankful I got the best back massage from Charles in our whole relationship this morning that was the bees knees.
Yeah that was pretty rocking.. for sure..
But I have to say I feel amiss with this relationship and it’s no surprise to me or anyone who knows.
But I’m carrying on and I wonder since I’m not thankful for the fucking living nightmare Charles brought upon me does that mean I can’t move on?
Or maybe I just need a new way of twisting that theory to fit one I like..
Till Next Time