Okay but that is what I’m seeing
that there is a philosophy out there like that woman who says “Her husband’s affair is the best thing that ever happened to her”
Yeah I’m about as jovial about my husband’s affair and that wretched bitch who he spanked around in parking lots, my own bed.. not mine anymore, and on the sides of roads..
But does that hinder my healing? or show that I cannot move on?
Does not being grateful for a fucking knife in my back make me a jack-ass who cannot recover?
Now here’s my progress how I see it
My husband was deceptive as fuck.
My 14 yr. relationship got buried and I have no clue what the resurrection of another marriage is looking like but I know i’m surviving this shit storm like a Boss.. okay more like a temp who bows out.. but today it’s like a BOSS 😉
Now I must start something new with said asshole I never knew existed and it still pisses me off..
Still
1 year and some change later I no longer want him to die or every once in a while think about attacking him across the table with the very blade I diced our vegetables with (I know I’m dark).. or poisoning his food slowly..
Knowing I will get caught and not be like his dumb ass and hope I can get some sort of plea deal because really I am a great use to society.. I promise.. well I did kill someone, but come on he had it coming right???
So no more daydreams about those things, which is good and really hopes to show Charles how much he meant to me (nothing says love like I’m going to fucking kill you) and how now that majority of that kind of crazy is gone how empty our relationship is now.
I try not to think about what I would do if God took him now because it’s a waste of time. I would say I would party and be crazy happy but never know until I get there.
I notice I do that plan for things that never happen on top of planning for things that do.. it’s ALOT of planning… I know I’m going to have to give one of those things up..
🙂
Anyways humor seems to be coming back and Charles recently texted me that he was the insane one and and that he’s trying to shine a light on our relationship.
I told him Torn Asunder made me feel like I wasn’t insane and that I’m in the dark and that is hard. I will never know about his world with Kendra, or if he’s attracted to another woman, or if another affair happens that he won’t tell me.
Because just leave Charles.. seriously.. I am not the one to pine for a man, or want to win a douche bag liar back.. it’s not my style..
Anyways where was I going with this.. so yeah I’m not thankful an affair happened to my marriage.
Am I thankful I got the best back massage from Charles in our whole relationship this morning that was the bees knees.
Yeah that was pretty rocking.. for sure..
But I have to say I feel amiss with this relationship and it’s no surprise to me or anyone who knows.
But I’m carrying on and I wonder since I’m not thankful for the fucking living nightmare Charles brought upon me does that mean I can’t move on?
Or maybe I just need a new way of twisting that theory to fit one I like..
Till Next Time
❤ NH
How To Not Hate My Husband 
I’ve heard this before. My marital counselor said she has a couple where the husband has stated that. I don’t see myself ever saying those words. I think there can be some truth in saying “how we handled the affair (what I learned and the growth I’ve experienced from it) is the best thing that happened” but not the affair itself.
Yeah, I’m not thankful my husband had an affair and was an dumbass either. WTF?
I used to be so worried that my husband would be killed in a car accident and now, I don’t care. I think it’s indifference creeping in lately.
These women who say they are thankful their husbands had an affair must have really awesome husbands or something! They must have been truly remorseful and gotten themselves a new brain on both ends. Or there must be something else holding the women to their husbands. I would love to know.
I send you hugs. I hope you have a better day tomorrow.
Aww Bugs thanks but I am okay just was pissy about the idea 😊 hope you are doing well 😎
And more than that…. they must have had crap marriages prior to the affair! Mine was great. He was lovely. We loved, shared, communicated, loved, laughed, did I say loved? How do you get better than that? Over twenty years of absolute bliss, love and lust… not better. Not possible once someone shatters everything you once had.
Hey Paula, I also agree with your reply! How are things in your neck of the woods, glad to see you’re your same sassy self!!! Hugs from Joan
I’m doing well joan. Still heartbroken. But I accept that will never change. In my final semester of undergrad degree and (madly!) seriously contemplating carrying on to do my Masters. Kids all growing up. Last chick left at home is off next month for six months’ schooling in France. Back in time to complete her final year before heading off to uni. You? How’s the fam?
I feel basically the same as you do Paula, I have happy moments but I’m not happy, if that makes any sense! Anyway it’s the way I feel! It’s been almost 3 years so our kids seem to have moved on pretty well considering the shit storm their dad threw at them! It sounds like you have a lot to be proud about where your kids are concerned, that’s great! Hang in there, I would say it can’t get any worse, but who knows, I take everything with a grain of salt these days, especially my margaritas! LOL XO Joan
“My husband’s affair became the best thing to ever happen to me… ” is part of the title of a book… don’t read it, it will piss you off!!! 🙂 .
I will say, I loved their seminar though (Take Your Life Back). Wrote about it a while back on the old blog. Love the other betrayed spouses I met there, LOVE THEM. Paula also wrote a rant post about how much she didn’t like their BAN meetings. They have them all over the world. I will never ever say my husband’s affair was the best thing to ever happen to ME, but that whore calling my phone got my husband into recovery for addiction, so there is that… if I am trying to put a positive spin on it. ❤
I think that’s what she means.. but we’ll see.. that there is a good future to be had after an affair even with the reformed cheater.
I am going to read it since I am really hating on the title.. I know I’m crazy but I don’t run from things I don’t like. I want to understand it I think we’ll see whether I throw the book or not.. 🙂 😉
I have the book but couldn’t get past the first few pages as his AP has the same name as my husband’s whore and it was still too triggering. I met them, spent the weekend with them and know their whole story. She kind of makes a big deal in the book about how great their relationship was and this can happen to anyone, but it didn’t feel completely genuine. I’ll probably read the book one of these days, maybe not.
Oh hell please tell me it isn’t the name Kendra..
I am skeptical of all that nonsense about our relationship is SOOO FUCKING GRAND after the affair shit storm it’s better than it’s ever been!! ((Smiles))
I’m not sure it’s because I am so disgusted by it still and I think I will always find the affair disgusting..
Maybe not him all the time.. but it comes and goes
No, it’s Helen. You’re safe on that one. 😊 i haven’t read it but heard little bits at the retreat. Her story is nothing like mine so not sure how much I would get from the book. Let me know what you think of it! 😊
I will 🙂 and unfortunately I didn’t have any cookies on main street and when in Portland we were kind of rushed in Lloyd Center I look forward to going back to both places that is for sure!! ❤ Thank you so much for the tips I cannot believe I didn't message you when we needed things to do in Portland!! 😦 Hindsight I swear
Shame about the cookies on main street at Disney… they are quite good. Always a splurge for me. Next time you are down in Portland, please tell me. I would love to meet up. My first job when I was 14 was at a donut shop at Lloyd Center (before it was covered). At age 15 I came in to make the donuts every Sunday, by myself, at 4:30am. The other days I worked after school and around sports cashiering etc… My parents dropped me off at that outrageous hour on Sundays. CRAZY!!! But that job earned me my first trip to Hawaii and I have never stopped traveling. No worries on the messaging, next time! We were in Victoria BC, but messaging always works. Has your mom lived here for a while?
No she lives some minutes away.. but close enough to drive! I can’t wait to visit her again. I may go by myself next time she is alot of fun!
Come on girls, the woman you’re talking about & her husband, are making money off her sleazy looking husbands’ affair, I think that’s the reason she’s so freaking happy about it!!!
Lol. Well put joan!
I am with you!
Yeah. I feel the same way with “It’s brought us closer than if I wouldn’t have happened..” Really?
I will absolutely never ever ever be thankful for my husband’s affairs. Not ever. Like Kat, I can try to put a bit of a positive spin on the fact that he is on a path to healing now. But, at what costs? I will never be thankful for those costs. How could I be? Frankly, it is not his affairs that woke him up, it was being exposed that woke him up. So, maybe I can be thankful that he was finally exposed. Though it hurts like a son-of-a-bitch. Regardless, whenever I see that title I want to vomit. As you can tell, I am trying to tone down my reaction for general consumption. 🙂 TL
I completely agree about Charles I think his exposure too. If he hadnt been exposed well he would still be having affairs and all was well in his head..
I look forward to reading the book..
I also am going to attempt not just friends book by Shirley Glass I think I may vomit though because it’s all probably news I know.. it’s my husband”s stupidness that doesn’t know boundaries..
Also TL email me anytime
nothatemyhusband@gmail.com
You know so I can personally absorb some of your awesome thoughts 🙂
I am not grateful for my husbands emotional affair, and never will be. Plain and simple…I did nothing to deserve it, or the subsequent pain. But, I am grateful for the “reality check” the discovery gave me. I took for granted that he held our marriage and me/my feelings to the same high standard of respect and consideration that I did his. I never worried about opposite-sex friendships because I trusted he would hold them in check the same way I do. I trusted that he understood that any complacency in our marriage was the result of the distractions of child-rearing, and was only a temporary stage of life. I assumed he made concessions for my child-rearing/schooling fatigue or stress in the same way that I made excuses for his work fatigue and stress. I never believed he would allow another woman to say and do to him what should only come from me, because I would never consider letting another man say and do what should only come from him. So, the affair has been an eye-opening, learning experience. I have learned that even the people that I love the most cannot be trusted. These are sad lessons, but they are my reality. And, I am grateful to see much more clearly now. I will no longer be blind. I will no longer be so free and easy about my trust. I will no longer make assumptions about my marriage or my husband’s beliefs. This will make me strong, and this will be my protection from ever being hurt like this again.
Completely agree
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