I used to hate Mondays because Charles had to leave us and our family would have to wait for 5 or 4 whatever days to have him all day to ourselves.
Many a days since all spilled out like a broken dam.
I’m like “Bye Felicia!”
Seriously.. I make him breakfast & lunch and I wonder what the kids and I are going to do.
I no longer miss him.
I missed him in KS because I didn’t have my own home. My own place. Now that I do.. hell stay away for months.. weeks even..
Although if that happened I’d have to buy condoms because not ever sure where that dick has been right??
He says “I’m not doing anything” “It’s hard because you think I can’t change”
I need to ask him this because “Please sir.. what are you changing” “What is it that you need to change or feel you have changed?”
I think it’s mind torture for me to believe I married a very smart man and then stupid as all get out!
He’s always looking for ways to bless me? What can I do for you as I’m doing dishes how can I bless you? I say you can bless me by doing the dishes and he did them.
That was a few days ago, but it happened and it was nice.
But the super bitch in me is like if you are going to do the dishes and leave the counters, top of oven, the rest of the kitchen a disaster..
And then as I’m typing this I could have been in the kitchen to help him. I missed an opportunity to help him.
Eh.. live and learn I guess.
So I am able to memorize Psalm 4:4 quite easily and now the next one is a bit harder..
8 Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.
This I need to memorize and keep with me in my heart.
Is M or KB in their rotten detestable living standards of love and marriage anything mentioning above? Fuck No
That verse is hard because I want to say.. Really God, just listen to me here.. I mean there is a reason I’m thinking I hope KB suffers her whole life and what a rotten bitch she is. Also I hope M does too. I hope they are sad miserable and deserve nothing but lonliness and unhappiness for the rest of their existence!!
I also would love to see M’s face if we stuck this out because really guys I can. I got a nice set up here and when the kids are all grown (Yes, Bel I know what you said about divorce and grown children just playing fantasy) serve papers to M say like 18-19 years from now at work or something.
Or when he leaves for work just pack my things and bail. Just leave. I would set up secret cameras in the house for that to see his reaction.
I know I’m evil… I’m a sinner as all get out..
And that mentality is nothing about what Phil. 4:8 is about at all..
But as I argue with God and tell Him my plans..
I have to say.. that’s what our son has been doing to us lately.
This 12 yr old is bent on telling us “Will you just listen to me?” “Why don’t you guy’s trust me?” “I know what I’m doing” “What attitude?”
I would love to say I’m a kind, loving mother who doesn’t fucking lose it on her 12 yr old when the stupid hits him and makes him think he is an adult.
But lately I have been not.
And it never fails for God to show what is going on in my heart with God as to see it in my kids.
The defiance, the arrogance to tell me they know better, the sheer audacity to bypass all of history and look at me as if they have all the answers at 1, 4, 6, and 12..
Who in the hell do these people think they are!!
And I have to say.. I do this to my Heavenly Father. I treat M and think of KB like they really do need to be booted off this planet. I tell God, if you would just listen to me this is why they should both suffer. I show God my pie charts (in my head because jeesh do I have time to actually make those?) and tell Him why I’m so much better off without M, why the kids would be better off without M..
And I remember a dear, wonderful woman who gave me my first crock-pot.
She said. “Oh NH isn’t is humbling to see ourselves and how we act towards Our Father in our children?”
Now this beautiful woman who is wise and seen the years while I love her dearly I told her No.. is it not and we both had a laugh.
But definitely something to think about while I pray for my boy.
We found him and Squish sleeping on the couch this morning..
As they both are a blessing to us each day and how against us they can be.. it’s heart-warming to see them be a blessing to each other..
Here’s to thinking commendable things, things that only bring praise to the Lord.
Because He said so, and it’s what I believe.
He knows what’s best I just fight Him on it..
Maybe it’s not always about Charles.. it’s the wrestling with God that keeps me in fighting and wanting to win.
And even if you don’t believe if you know anything about the Bible God always wins..
🙂 Happy Monday everyone